Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
