If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize