we're blogging at a bar
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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