Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
