I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
