I just threw up on my dentist
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
