She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
