it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
