Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
