Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
