I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
