I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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