Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
