Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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