i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
