I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
