Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
