Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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