U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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