he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
