2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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