Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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