Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
