Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
