theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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