I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
