dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
