The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
