Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
