So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
