My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
