I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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