i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
