Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
