Buhtt sex?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
