I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
