Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
