My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
