the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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