I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
