the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
