we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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