Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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