oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
