dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
