thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
