these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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