I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
