are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
