I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
