I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
