About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
