i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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