break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
