I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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