hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
