dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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