Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
