Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
