i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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