i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
