Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
