Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
