I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
