I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
