can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
