Swine flu. Run for my life!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
