I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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