hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
