whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I just sharted jello shots
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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