I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
