Me. At least after what I've been through.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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