This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
