i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
