you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
