Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
