i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
