HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
