Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
