His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
