YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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