I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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