WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
they need to just BURY HIM!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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