we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
