I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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