you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
