Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
