So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
